tonight

Tonight I hurt. Tonight I ache. Tonight I am sad.

Tonight she giggled and laughed with all her might. Will I forget that sound?

Tonight she asked why….I ask it too baby and I wish I had a answer for you.

One day I will walk into her room…the one she shares with her brother and take her things down and put them away. Or give them away? Or save them for her sister?

I am trying to make all the memories I can. Jennifer was supposed to be the one to teach Charlotte how to do her hair and paint her nails. So my 6 month old now has pink toes….Her first time getting her nails painted was by her big sister. These things I can control I grasp onto with all my might.

I want to run and hide. I want to have my husband here in this apartment with us. Just the 3.5 of us spending time together.

I wonder what does she know? What is her little mind brewing up over all of this? Does she know………………….

Tonight the tears have found me…