Rage … thats my current. My right now, this very moment feeling. I had Tony take the boys to out of the house because I feel like I want to rip the house apart. I went for a run this morning. Good run with good music playing in my ears. I got home and stopped […]
This grief. Its so different than I thought it would be. Its so different than any other grief I have ever experienced. One where the color can break through. . . This time it doesn’t. .. I have my doubt that it ever truly will. Tony and I talked about this on our trip. How […]
****I mentioned before we had really really spotty service on our trip so I didn’t blog but took notes on my phone what I was thinking/feeling**** Our trip was lovely. Truly a escape and so wonderful to be with just the baby and my husband.. but the dark hit hard coming home. I wish […]
**service is spotty.. this is from Wednesday..no post tonight** The rain returned today. Before we left Tony dropped my car off at a local place to be looked it and then packed up his car.. We were a bit behind on our departure schedule.. but the bonus was I got to go for a run. […]
We leave tomorrow for our trip…hopefully. Car troubles tonight. Nothing a little duct tape can’t fix though! ..yikes .. . wish everything was that simple. Its almost midnite for us. Just got the kids all into bed.. long night. But lucky to have my sister and nephews watching the 2 little ones and another nephew […]
***Write down the time. Seriously right now look at the clock and write it down. **** This blog is my lifeline. My connection to her. Its been a wonderful way to keep her alive for me. At night I pour over videos (her singing ABCs) and pictures of her. Getting to re-live our lives with her over […]
I confuse myself. I was watching a show with the teenager getting teased. I had already worked myself into a frenzy about that happening to Jennifer when she started kindergarten. I was so worried about not being there for her so many hours a day. What I wouldn’t give for that now. To be […]
Just watched her services for the first time. Just me and her pinkie and nigh nigh. .. . kinda feel like I was in a boxing match. .. .i lost. Badly. I feel a weight on my shoulders.. pushing my down. So heavy. I thought it would start to get lighter? . .. its not. […]
My thoughts are jumbled.I am so tired.. circling the drain… Milk in the pantry cereal in the fridge kinda day. Yesterday just totally drained and exhausted me. .. .dehydrated me. I could have stayed in bed all day. But I know thats not fair to Tony or the kids. I got up and realized I […]
I miss her so much. I can’t even find the words to explain it. But I need to write. I cant see the screen but I have a compulsion to write.. . this grief …. my right now. its crushing.. .so overwhelming It sucks the air out of the room and out of me. […]
