dark side

Here is the dark side of what I am feeling and experiencing.

So bitterly jealous.

3.5 months. That’s all we got.

So many other families get so much more time to know…to pack in life…to get things in order.

I know we are making a difference. But how great that difference that would be if I had time to be better prepared? I was just starting to line up things for the foundation…

This was supposed to be the honeymoon period. She isn’t supposed to be gone yet.

And I know..

I know so many families get less time. So many children lose their lives suddenly with no warning. So I get that I am lucky in that sense

Thats why I called this the dark bitter side. I am not proud of it.

But I thought it was the trade off…The trade off for watching her slowly starve and lose all body functions. The trade off for her knowing that the death was coming was the time..

Time to cram in life experiences. Over half of the time we had was spent in the hospital.

…the trade off screwed us.

I feel like having a huge temper tantrum….because

Its just not fair…why do the other parents get more time…

least proud post to date

…dark side…